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Did it appear as though I was going to write a review of a very nice Bed and Breakfast place? Such was not my motive. I would like to introduce to you the all new “Beauty and the Beast” (2009) directed by David Lister, and casting Estella Warren (Belle), Rhett Giles (sexy count Rudolph), Victor Parascos (Beast… for the last 1 minute of the movie) and Vanessa Gray (Helen the witch). I would also like to persuade you to NOT see the movie. Why? Well, here are the reasons:

  1. I am yet to hear/read from a single source (literary of otherwise) that  medieval women/girls wear mini dresses (yes, coming exactly to half-length of her thighs, then revealing some awesome cleavage *blushes*) with a leather, form-fitting vest and extremely well made leather calf-length boots. Well, somebody tried to imitate the tomb-raider. The color combination of the (only) dress on Belle was nice though, but the authors could have tried brown boots for a fashion boost.
  2. Beats me why all the other girls were wearing full length dresses with frills AND head scarves while Belle was clearly not appropriately dressed.
  3. When Belle goes into the forest for the first time to collect herbs… she struggles for her life to imprint on the viewers the notion of personal interest in the particular occupation. Reminded me of scenes preceding “the action” in porn movies… time killer to get in the action. Should I mention that action starts pretty soon?
  4. The horses move awfully slow…. How did Belle and the beast EVER manage to get away from the executioners?
  5. Blood purges EVERYWHERE!!! I mean EVERYWHERE!!! It reminded me a little of the effects used in the black and white Dracula movie. Especially the beheading of Helen.
  6. Helen’s character was cliché!
  7. For no reason, once the COUNT has been killed, beast turns back into the Prince he really is. From common fairytales, Ii would appear that beast would turn human once the witch was killed. From the storyline, he should turn back once the Troll has been killed. But NO!!! He turns into a Princely looking (very-average-Joe-like) person once count Rudolph is killed.
  8. Count Rudolph maintains the same expression throughout the whole movie. Reminded me of the constant expression of Bella in Twilight. Not exciting.
  9. It has a rating of exactly 2.4/10 in IMDB site as of the moment of writing this review. Enuf sed?

Two pluses in the whole movie:

1. Helen screams “How dare you?” from her bodyless head (after Beast had chopped it off). Then immediately falls silent.

2. Rhett Giles looks too sexy to be true… :P… and the stubbles looked vey scratchable 😛 *scratches*

This movie has all the elements of a film produced for the low income population of Bangladesh. The movies we ridicule while in the company of “educated” family and friends. You could just as well watch one of those. Chances are, those will be a little more funny. Hence a little more bang for the buck.