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There was absolutely no sign of the golden searing disk that should have been suspended from the sky. But I wanted, at the very least, a warm glow. Nothing. As gray as possible and as miserably wet a fall rain spell can get.  So I decided on running to my next class.

Opening the door to the classroom there I see him again, a silent angel in the guise of a man. Since there isn’t a spot next to him that’s available, I opt in sitting in the row behind him, where his beautiful mess of hair is clearly visible. A multitude of golden, gray, brown and ash, all blended together in the most natural flow and all scattered over the back of the oval that holds his face on the opposite side. A perfect straight nose and underneath it an overly-flawed pair of lips that could never fail to interest me.

I haven’t been able to see the rest of him yet. I don’t even know what his name is. All I see is a beautifully flawed boy who’s putting on his glasses for close reading. I cannot really say if they destroy the charm of his eyes because I have never witnessed their magic.

All the time utterly silent.

Silent as the professor arrives and for the umpteenth time cannot get the transparencies to project. The angel in gray noiselessly arms himself with the retractable silver pen and locks-on the virgin sheets of paper. As the professor starts to speak, so commences the enigma with scratches on the paper.

With every stroke he pigments the paper, my heartbeat quickens. I cannot do this. Concentration becomes infinitely more impossible by each moment and with it comes the realization that I will fail, yet again.

That silent, silent smile will never be for me. I will never be able to touch the slow curve of that neck and admire the beautiful things the light does to the golden hue. Those excruciatingly divine fingertips are not for me, but for another man I will probably never know.

Another realization ends in a heartbreaking disappointment as I finally, for the first time witness steel blue magic.


DISCLAIMER: This is  a piece recounting a true event in my life on the 20th of March, 2009. Any resemblance to any person, subject, situation similar to yours etc etc what not this that will be pure coincidence. But you can write abut that in the comment if you want

This piece is a one-shot and I do not feel like editing this grammatically.

😛

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I thought that I was the only person that was able to stare down anyone. In public. I was at that very favorite pastime when I saw him for the first time. And that was also the first time I had ever seen a stone metamorphose to another.

I always walk with my head high; shoulders relaxed, and dare the world to look at me. Nobody can. Nobody could. But him. As I was walking out of the library, down the stairs that came out on the opposite of the bookstore, and in the process of looking in the face of every single stranger who would subsequently flick their eyes away, I saw him.

There was a girl wearing white leather boots and a brown frilly coat that looked of distinct designer origin. She had a face that could capture any man. So I decided to see through that face and read whatever was on it. As I proceeded to do that, she turned her eyes away from me. Obviously perturbed. Boring. I found.

As I swung my fluffy winter coat -that is more like a reconstructed blanket than anything else- on my right shoulder and suspend it there on the right index finger, palm of my back stuck to my right collar bone, I saw him. As the coat settled in its place on the right half of my back, suspended from the index finger via the brand tag that goes on the neck of the collar, I looked in his eyes. As he walked parallel towards me, I decided to see what was on that face.

A little adonic, but nothing too fancy or lacy.

The usual blond guy with a transparent white face. Bluette. Yes, blue. But impenetrable blue. I could not keep looking into that eye. It was a flawless blue islet in the middle of a sea frozen over. I always find in tough to look into blue eyes. They go too deep too sudden in the middle. But his man had no depth. Or perhaps all of it was a depth I could not perceive from my own.

In my struggle to penetrate that face, I realized that I could not keep looking into that eye. As easily a topaz would oppose the frail attempts of a painter’s brush to scratch it, his eyes threw me off balance. The sun shined on that impenetrable blue with a ferocity I have never before seen on another pair.

Here was a veteran of my game, obviously much more strong and experienced. And he stared me down, without spending any length of considerable time. I felt my pride sliced through the very middle in a matter of a few milliseconds.

As my heart stopped on this sudden turn of events, I realized that I could not have lost if this was fair play. “Something is amiss”. So I stopped walking, already a few meters away from him, still on parallel lines, back to the other.

I called out, “Stop”.

Wheeling around on the spot, I found him facing me, the sun no more shining on that blue and the blue much more deeper. No more the topaz, more a blue sapphire salvaged from the disintegrating remains of a wreck from a deep sea, and less penetrable.

In my trance I walked up to the man and grabbed his left wrist and yanked his face closer to mine scanned the source of my discomfort. More than the smell of his aftershave, which must have also been blue, I noticed a lacking in his eyes.

Should I explain my game? Or should I just walk away. “Sorry for stopping you all of a sudden….. And  the manhandling.” Should be explanation enough. And even if it wasn’t, did I care?

Without glancing in the way of the dumbstruck man for a second time, I turned. And as always, I kept on walking towards the metro with my new-found confidence.