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My mind was itching for a good while for writing a BASHING critique against the Twilight trilogy. Every time I tried to write one, my conscience reminded that there is an array of Twilight critics concocting twilight critiques, and ending up as just another fish in the sea was not an alluring option. But while cleaning my room twenty minutes ago, I stumbled across THIS… and all restrictions took flight.

July 2008

I was checking out of a Chapters outlet when the above bookmark caught my attention. God, this bookmark looked so… smart! The white queen on the face side and the red pawn at a catch-me-if-you can distance on a classic chessboard and all fading to black on the sides looked nothing but appealing.

Hence while the cash girl scanned the barcodes, I flipped the bookmark to the other side. It read: “When you loved the one who was killing you, it left you no options. How could you run, how could you fight, when doing so would hurt the beloved one? If your life was all you had to give, how could you not give it?” I automatically realized that I HAD no choice but to read the novel behind this lovely quote.

Then and there I made myself promise that I would read this book no matter what. I needed to know what it was about. Well, within a few weeks, the internet was buzzing with news about a movie named Twilight, supposedly made from a bestselling novel of the same name. No wonder it also mentioned that “girls” were crazy etc etc etc about this movie. I went on Wikipedia to check out all about the book, it seemed to be ok. MOREOVER, Breaking Dawn was a sequel to it! Maybe I’ll read the book. Came august, and I realized I was not affluent enough to buy any book of this trilogy.

Well, let’s not get into HOW I acquired these books. The fact is, I acquired a copy each of Twilight, New Moon and Breaking Dawn and over a week and a half of winter term 2009 not attending any classes, ended the trilogy. The simplest and easiest way to cover my response:

  1. Twilight: Sucks. Big Time. BAD grammer. NO literary value.
  2. New Moon: Erm….? Slightly eww.
  3. Breaking Dawn: Will read if I have nothing else to do

Yet, I noted that girls all over the world were freaking screaming whenever “Twilight” was mentioned. I thought that perhaps something was wrong with me. Perhaps I had overlooked something. Hence I invested another week in reading the trilogy over again. No improvement.

Then came the movie. “OMG. It was so bad.” I started to wonder whether the economic depression had anything to do with the quality of BOTH the book and the movie. Another thought came into my mind: Maybe the author and director of the movie are on a pact of making the movie as bad as the book.

Well, now that I am not so bedazzled by Twilight and the beautiful chessboard, I notice that the pawn and the Queen are not on the same colored squares. That, technically, is not just YET checkmate. Yes the pawn can move and then be eaten by the white queen, but Bella being signified by the red pawn and Edward by the white Queen now had a degustatory effect on my voracious mind.

CURRENT THOUGHTS: Will not watch New Moon (though I have heard that it is full of torsos). Might watch Breaking Dawn if the reviews are any good.

Well, if you liked this, you will LOVE Guinew Moon

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4 Comments

  1. Twilight saga is a tetralogy, not a trilogy. You missed Eclipse.
    The way I understand the symbols on the cover – Bella has become the powerful player – the white queen. She started as presumably the weakest pawn in the game, but by the end of the story she has become the strongest.
    anyway, nice that you’ve taken time to read at least three of the books. I wonder what kept your interest if number one was so offputting?

  2. Oooo yes. forgot that it was a tetralogy. the version i read had breaking dawn and eclipse in one. hence it was one physical book.

    However, I guess you missed the fact that I wrote: “I thought that perhaps something was wrong with me. Perhaps I had overlooked something. Hence I invested another week in reading the trilogy over again.”

    Could you explain the significance of the red pawn? What is THAT if Bella is now the white Queen? 😀

  3. Blah. That’s all I have to say. >_> I can defend Twilight by telling you that compared to the vampire fanfic on Quizilla, it was pretty damn good.

    I have New Moon. I read the first chapter or so, and was too disgusted by the writing style to continue. She’s reusing whole SCENES from Twilight. >.<

    • Yes… this whole “tetralogy” could use some improvement in grammar, writing style…. above all, literary elements are badly used or not at all. But, as I said, the last book is OK. You could try to read that.


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